Have you ever felt sad, stressed, or just completely exhausted, only to have someone say, “Just stay positive!” or “Look on the bright side!”? At first, it might seem helpful. But sometimes, when you’re struggling, these words can feel dismissive, like your feelings don’t matter. That’s what we call toxic positivity, the idea that we should always be happy, no matter what. But here’s the truth: It’s okay to not be okay.
Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, and forcing yourself to be happy all the time can actually make things worse. So let’s talk about how to deal with toxic positivity in a way that feels real, supportive, and kind to yourself.
What Is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is when people (or even ourselves) try to push constant positivity, ignoring or dismissing real emotions. It sounds like:
❌ “Everything happens for a reason.”
❌ “Just be grateful, it could be worse.”
❌ “You’ll get over it. Just think happy thoughts!”
While these words may be meant to help, they can make you feel unheard or even guilty for feeling anything other than happy. But emotions aren’t bad. Feeling sad, angry, or frustrated is just as natural as feeling happy.
How Toxic Positivity Can Hurt You
When you ignore or push away difficult emotions, they don’t actually disappear. Instead, they build up inside you, making things worse over time. You might feel:
😞 Unheard – Like no one understands what you’re going through.
😔 Guilty – As if you’re failing because you can’t just “think positive.”
😢 Alone – Like you’re the only one struggling while everyone else seems happy.
But guess what? You are not alone. Everyone struggles. Everyone has bad days. And your feelings are just as important as anyone else’s.
How to Deal with Toxic Positivity
Instead of forcing happiness, try these gentle, healthy ways to handle your emotions:
❤️ Allow Yourself to Feel – If you’re sad, be sad. If you’re angry, be angry. Every emotion is valid, and you don’t have to rush to “fix” them.
💬 Speak Up – If someone brushes off your feelings with toxic positivity, gently let them know what you need. Say, “I appreciate your kindness, but right now, I just need someone to listen.”
📝 Write It Out – Journaling can help you process your emotions without judgment. Write down what you’re feeling and remind yourself that it’s okay to feel this way.
👥 Find Supportive People – Surround yourself with people who listen and validate your feelings. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or therapist, having someone truly hear you can make a world of difference.
🌿 Practice Self-Compassion – Treat yourself the way you would treat a dear friend. If your best friend was struggling, would you tell them to “just get over it”? No. You’d be kind. So be kind to yourself, too.
It’s Okay to Not Be Okay
You are human, and that means feeling a full range of emotions, the good and the bad. You don’t have to fake happiness to be worthy of love and support. You don’t have to hide your pain just because others want you to be positive.
If you’re going through something hard, take a deep breath and remind yourself:
💛 I am allowed to feel.
💛 I don’t have to pretend.
💛 I am not alone.
Your feelings matter. Your struggles matter. You matter.
And no matter what, you deserve kindness, especially from yourself. 💙